"A new survey finds that although his approval ratings are low, President Obama is still ahead of the most prominent Republicans. Have you seen his tax plan? He is the most prominent Republican." —Jay Leno
"Apparently, a fourth panel of the Metrodome's roof collapsed last night, sending more snow crashing onto the field. The last time I saw something cave in so often, he was giving a press conference at the White House." —Jimmy Fallon
"Kate Gosselin was on the TLC show, 'Sarah Palin's Alaska,' and Palin told Kate that you're putting your family in danger if you don't bring a gun with you in the wilderness. Of course there's always the other option: not taking your kids into the wilderness." —Jimmy Fallon
"Poor Haitians, they can't get a break. First the earthquake, then the hurricanes, and now Sarah Palin." —David Letterman
"Al Qaeda is said to be planning Christmas attacks in the U.S. and Europe. The U.S. sprang into action, telling Al Qaeda, 'You can't call them Christmas attacks. You have to call them holiday attacks.'" —Jay Leno
"Someone apparently found an old Internet dating profile posted by WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange, and it has been posted online. Assange was furious, saying 'Some things are supposed to be private.'" —Conan O'Brien
"FedEx said that it shipped 16 million packages today on its busiest day of the year. That's right, they handled 16 million packages. Or as the TSA calls that, 'kind of a slow day.'" —Jimmy Fallon
"George W. Bush's daughter, Jenna, just put her home in Baltimore on the market for $500,000. The real estate agent said, 'I just want to warn you that offers have gone way down ever since the economy was ruined by . . . someone.'" —Jimmy Fallon
"Michelle Obama said that obesity is a national security threat because 1 in 4 young people are too overweight to join the military. Couldn't we just have a separate fat army to fight in countries that don't have hills?" —Jimmy Kimmel
"Mark Zuckerberg was named Time's Person of the Year. I'm sorry if you don't recognize the name. A magazine is something people used to read." —Craig Ferguson
"Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has been named Time magazine's Person of the Year. They said he has single-handedly changed the way we waste time at work." —Jay Leno
"Time magazine is now ranking the best tweets of the year and, according to Time, the best tweet for 2010 was written by John McCain. Experts say it's even more impressive because McCain thought he was opening his garage door." —Conan O'Brien
"Ex-President Jimmy Carter said someday soon Americans could elect a gay President. Then he winked, put on some lipstick and said, 'Or maybe they already did, girlfriend.'" —Conan O'Brien
"The most annoying word of the year is 'whatever.' As always, No. 2 is 'Limbaugh.'" —David Letterman
"Anderson Cooper has announced that the title of his new show is just 'Anderson.' I think I speak for everyone here at 'Conan' when I say, 'God, what an ego on that guy!'" —Conan O'Brien
"Larry King has been married more times than Henry the Eighth. We used to have that rhyme to keep track of them. 'Divorced, beheaded, died. Divorced, beheaded, survived.' With Larry I think it goes, 'Divorced, beheaded, divorced, escaped. Zombie, lesbian, disappeared, inflatable.'" —Craig Ferguson
More Late-Night Jokes:
� Best Jokes of 2010
� Latest Late-Night Jokes
� Last Week's Jokes
More Weekly Humor:
� The Week's Best Political Cartoons
See Also:� Sarah Palin Jokes
� Barack Obama Jokes
� George Bush Jokes
� Republican Jokes
� Democrat Jokes
Get Our Newsletter | Follow Political Humor on Twitter | Become a Fan on Facebook
Source: http://politicalhumor.about.com/b/2010/12/18/the-weeks-best-late-night-jokes-103.htm
No comments:
Post a Comment