The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes

"A Republican Congressman, Rep. Chris Lee, was caught flirting with a woman trolling for dates on Craigslist and sent her a shirtless photo of himself. He lied about his age and his marital status. He said he was 39 and divorced. He's 46 and married, though being a Republican congressman, I'm guessing he's really 60 and gay." —Bill Maher

"Representative Chris Lee was forced to resign after sending a shirtless picture of himself to a woman on Craigslist. On the bright side, he did surprise his wife for Valentines Day." —Conan O'Brien

"Michelle Obama says her husband, President Obama, has quit smoking. Fox News reported this as 'Obama Destroying the Tobacco Industry.'" —Craig Ferguson

"President Obama called the coach of the Green Bay packers to congratulate him. Then he called to console the victims of the Black Eyed Peas halftime show." —Conan O'Brien

"President Obama had a Super Bowl party which featured food from both Wisconsin and Pennsylvania, which explains why he tested positive for diabetes the next morning." —Conan O'Brien

"The Catholic Church has approved an app that let's you confess on your iPhone. You can now cheat and atone right on the same device. Perfect for Brett Favre. The actual name for this app is "Priest in your pocket." Don't they read the paper? Couldn't they come up with a better name?" —Jay Leno

"Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak told ABC news that he would like to step down from power immediately, but if he did, it could cause chaos in his country. Well, you would hate to see that happen." —Jay Leno

"The Egyptian President is still refusing to leave. They're calling him 'The Leno of the Nile.'" —Craig Ferguson

"Over the weekend Dick Cheney declared Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak a good friend. Mubarak said, 'Dude, that's not really helping.'" —Conan O'Brien

"The demonstrations are getting bigger in Cairo. The Egyptian government tried to disperse the crowd with tear gas, and when that didn't work, a Black Eyed Peas halftime show." —Conan O'Brien

"President Obama had lunch with Republican leaders at the White House today and had to do without salt, pepper and butter. Not for dietary reasons. The Republicans refused to pass anything." —Jay Leno

"On the 'Today' show, Michelle Obama called the Bush twins 'magnificent' and Chelsea Clinton a 'solid young woman.' In fact, the only president's kid she didn't compliment was George Bush Sr.'s." —Jimmy Fallon

"The Catholic Church has approved a new app that lets you make confessions over your iPhone. It also raises the possibility of accidentally butt-dialing God." —Conan O'Brien

"During the Super Bowl halftime show, the Black Eyed Peas changed the lyrics of their song 'Where is the Love' to call on President Obama to do better in education and jobs. And Christina Aguilera changed the lyrics of the national anthem -- just because." —Jimmy Fallon

"The head of Homeland Security told people at the game, if they saw anything not right give them a call. They got 50 million calls as soon as Christina Aguilera started singing the National Anthem. The good news, you can't accuse her of lip syncing." —Jay Leno

"During his interview with President Obama last night, Bill O'Reilly asked him to explain how he deals with so many people hating him. In response, Obama said, 'You first.'" —Jimmy Fallon

"Prince William's nightclub owner friend is said to be planning a wild bachelor party. It must be weird stuffing a bill in a stripper's g-string when it has a picture of your grandmother on it." —Jimmy Fallon

"It's just a tradition that First Ladies get to pick some mundane up until now non-controversial cause to promote. Lady Bird Johnson beautifying America, Barbara Bush had literacy. Betty Ford's was no hard liquor before 10 AM. Our last First Lady Laura Bush worked tirelessly against illiteracy, so between her efforts and her husband's, it was a tie. Hillary Clinton did pioneering work in looking the other way..." —Bill Maher on Michelle Obama's anti-obesity campaign

"I mean Rush Limbaugh makes a crack about this every week, because who better to get your health advice from than a drug addicted fat man. Rush, I have proof that no one in the government is forcing you to eat right and exercise. YOU!" —Bill Maher on Limbaugh's criticisms of Michelle Obama's anti-obesity campaign

More Late-Night Jokes:
� Best Jokes of 2010
� Latest Late-Night Jokes
� Last Week's Jokes

More Weekly Humor:
� The Week's Best Political Cartoons

See Also:
� Barack Obama Jokes
� Sarah Palin Jokes
� John Boehner Jokes
� Republican Jokes
� Democrat Jokes

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Source: http://politicalhumor.about.com/b/2011/02/11/the-weeks-best-late-night-jokes-110.htm

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